Disposable Doilies & What They Lead To

As I'm sure you're already aware, Halloween is coming up. You know what that means? It means you have to watch a whole bunch of movies that make you pee your pants, fling popcorn in your neighbor's face, and eat candy corn like the kids in Lord of the Flies ate wild pigs. By the way, Lord of the Flies is a good example of a dystopian novel. A dystopia is a utopia that goes all wrong and becomes the opposite of a utopia for some people. If you still have no idea what a dystopia is, read The Giver or volunteer for the hunger games. Okay, now that all you unintellectual people have a vague idea of what this world is coming to, I will move onto more difficult, important subjects.

Doilies. Doilies are perfectly sewn rags that old people use at tea parties and to cover a deceased person's face. They've been around for about as long as Harvard. Yet, they are still considered fancy. In my opinion, they probably soak the doilies in bleach and glue every night to keep them looking nice. Anything that's been in use for 400 years tends to look a little crusty and...old. My advice for you is:

If you are eating at someone's house and they serve you a cookie on a doily, don't accept it. It probably hasn't ever been washed in the 400 years that it's been around. Remind yourself that the only reason that it isn't the color of chocolate is because they bleach it. I'm afraid that if you were to even touch an ancient doily, your bones would rot and you would become a mummy.

However, they have now invented a special kind of doily that even those aware of  their side affects will cautiously use. They're called "disposable doilies." This means that after one day in use, the owner can throw it away without worrying that by getting rid of it, they are disgracing the name of their great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother who sewed it when she was coming across on the Mayflower. Gosh, civilization is progressing so much that now we can throw away disgusting doilies. Ah, but don't get too happy, my loyal reader. Disposable doilies are the first step towards a dystopian earth. What a cheerful future we have in store for us.

Happy Halloween. I hope that this story enabled you to accomplish some of the necessary Halloween traditions, such as peeing your pants and eating candy corn.