Puerile Things To Do... In A Hotel Elevator

• Welcome people who enter by saying "I've been waiting for you."
• Climb up the elevator shaft with your teeth.
• Start a game of monopoly in the middle of the elevator.
• "I spy something grey!" and keep repeating until someone answers.
• Start a mosh pit.
• Ask, "Did you feel that?"
• Sit in the middle of the elevator and growl at anyone who bumps you.
• Turn around and say, "I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here."
• Bring a luggage carrier from the lobby, pretend like you're a monkey, and start screaming and banging   on the bars.
• Every time someone gets on, yell "Hide it! Quick!" and then put your hands behind your back and whistle innocently.
• Drop something, and then when someone bends to pick it up, yell, "hey, that's mine!"
• Bring a mic and start up some karaoke.
• Ask, "does anyone have a phone I can borrow?" and then call one of their contacts and talk for hours.
• Act like you're about to cry and ask people, "have you seen my pet scorpion?"
• Have loud conversations with your other personalities.
• Make sure that all the buttons on the button panel are always pressed and lit up.
• Bring some perfume and start spraying everyone that enters.
• Start a game of Twister.
• Tell everyone about the history of hairnets.
• Hesitantly get off the elevator, and then get back on, and go back and forth, pretending that you're having a nervous breakdown
• If any of the passengers have luggage, ask them if they brought any toothpaste. If they did, beg to borrow some.
• Start a lemonade stand with coffee from the lobby.
• Group hug!
• If anyone tries to enter in a swimsuit, tell them, "Socks and shirts or no service."
• Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
• Every time the doors are sliding open, pretend like you have the force.
• Sing "This is the song that never ends"
• Bring a water gun and starting shooting everyone.
• Tell stupid jokes.
• Pretend like everyone on the elevator is deaf, and start yelling "room service!" right in their ear, and then keep yelling it until they get off.
• Try to order pizza on the emergency phone.
• Any time someone gets on, offer to give them a tour of the elevator.
• Talk on your cellphone about some guy who's on the loose, then when you have everyone's attention, yell, "I think I found him!" and point at the most innocent looking of the group.
• Play dead.

I got some of these from various websites. I also had help from January Galaxy and Candy Panda. And I made up the rest.

Absentminded Aquatic Amnesiacs

I'm posting today solely for the purpose of getting business booming like a mine field again, because you know what? Looking at my stats is quite depressing, especially if the views are under two digits. Okay, now that I have stated my opinions on life, the government, and men in general, we shall move on. But first, a joke...

Q: How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: To get the other side!

If you are suffering from Alzheimer's or have a close relative suffering from it, my apologies. This joke was not directed at you, but at the clown fish in Australia. Speaking of fish, I once had a colorful paper fish hanging from my ceiling. But then she died, and we flushed her down the trash. On this very day 8 years ago, was her death day. She was a great friend to all mimes, nuns, and almonds. And I think that she will have some very nice friends at the junk yard, if they haven't cremated her yet. Sorry to depress you with talk of my aquatic paper pet, but some things just stay with you forever.

This is not my actual fish, because sadly, my fish is dead.
I stole this fish from a terrific place.

Psychologically speaking, (and also according to my English teacher,) people cannot think until they have words in their head. This is a simple explanation as to why I remember absolutely every boring detail of my childhood, including every single time that anyone ever promised me anything. Tip: don't promise me anything or tell me anything that you want me to forget. It won't happen. Because I, an intellectual human bean, do not forget.

Here is a simple test to find out whether you are intellectual or not. Go back 20 words, read, and if your brain does not connect that it is indeed supposed to say being, instead of bean, then you are not intellectual. But no need to worry, hardly anyone in this world is anyways. I just happen to be the exception. Be jealous all you want, comment how this post affected you psychologically, and if you see my pet fish, tell her I miss her. Tip: don't make fish out of paper...Save the trees!

Malevolent Monday

Emerald sat at the computer and did what she did every Monday: she pretended it wasn't indeed the day that the calendar said it was. In fact, she almost had herself fooled into believing that it was still the weekend, when something spectacular happened. Julian Smith sang her a song. This song.

Now hopefully you understand why the circumstances changed, why Emerald is a little bit cranky, and why she has tried to cheer herself up by speaking in third person. Primarily, she had thought that speaking with a British accent would cheer herself up, but then she realized that it is very hard to write with an accent, and so attempted to console herself by using the unique technique "pretending that you are not yourself, but are instead someone else watching yourself."

In the end, Emerald gave up on the whole idea of trying to make herself cheerful. However, you may still have a chance. Whenever other people who are not Emerald become a little bit grumpy, they usually try something a little bit tedious like telling jokes. Here I will provide you with an example of a joke.

Q: What did one lawyer say to another lawyer?

A: We are both lawyers.            

Just in case you were wondering, the picture is from here.