Humiliating Histories

I am very relieved and partially surprised that people (or maybe just trolls) are still reading my blog, even though I gave up on it four months ago. But, in my effort to bewilder and inspire the world, I have come to the conclusion that I will carry on my blog's legacy by telling the world all the fascinating tales that come from the ingenious mind of Emerald Avalanche. And since my blog is back, I have decided to kick off the year with a weekly question.

From here.

This week's question is......Have you ever found it impossible to think of your most embarrassing moment?

For some people, it's hard to think of your most embarrassing moment because you have just had way too many. For people like me,  it is hard because we don't really get embarrassed.

Well, today I came up with my top two most embarrassing moments. Now when someone asks me what my most embarrassing moment is, I won't spend 5 minutes twiddling my thumbs, 3 minutes saying "ummmmm...", and 2 minutes making up some story. So are you curious what my top two are? You better be.

1. While on a plane to Panama, I had the good fortune of sitting next to a nun from Costa Rica. This nun just happened to be wearing a white habit. Anyways, about 30 minutes into the flight, the flight attendant came by and gave me a coke. So I set the coke on the tray in front of me and then turned around to talk to my mom, who happened to be sitting right behind me. And then... we hit some turbulence. And the coke jumped off the tray and landed all over the nun's lower back. I was given the pleasure of telling this nun that she had coke all over her white habit. After I did, she stood up and moved to another seat. And on the back of her habit, it looked like she had just had some major bowel movements. My family laughed at me.

2. When I was 5 years old, I was over at my best friend/neighbor's house and she told me some ridiculously funny joke that made me need to use the bathroom. I was also afraid of her bathroom. So like any normal little kid, I ran out the door and started running up to my house. Some other neighbors of ours had this dog named Coby who loved to chase after anything that was running, especially if it was a child. So this dog is running after me, and I am running for my life, and finally, Coby caught up. And he bit me in the butt. Moral to story: I peed my pants and later had to explain to my mother why I had urine all over me. I was mortified.

So what are your most embarrassing moments?

Absentminded Aquatic Amnesiacs

I'm posting today solely for the purpose of getting business booming like a mine field again, because you know what? Looking at my stats is quite depressing, especially if the views are under two digits. Okay, now that I have stated my opinions on life, the government, and men in general, we shall move on. But first, a joke...

Q: How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: To get the other side!

If you are suffering from Alzheimer's or have a close relative suffering from it, my apologies. This joke was not directed at you, but at the clown fish in Australia. Speaking of fish, I once had a colorful paper fish hanging from my ceiling. But then she died, and we flushed her down the trash. On this very day 8 years ago, was her death day. She was a great friend to all mimes, nuns, and almonds. And I think that she will have some very nice friends at the junk yard, if they haven't cremated her yet. Sorry to depress you with talk of my aquatic paper pet, but some things just stay with you forever.

This is not my actual fish, because sadly, my fish is dead.
I stole this fish from a terrific place.

Psychologically speaking, (and also according to my English teacher,) people cannot think until they have words in their head. This is a simple explanation as to why I remember absolutely every boring detail of my childhood, including every single time that anyone ever promised me anything. Tip: don't promise me anything or tell me anything that you want me to forget. It won't happen. Because I, an intellectual human bean, do not forget.

Here is a simple test to find out whether you are intellectual or not. Go back 20 words, read, and if your brain does not connect that it is indeed supposed to say being, instead of bean, then you are not intellectual. But no need to worry, hardly anyone in this world is anyways. I just happen to be the exception. Be jealous all you want, comment how this post affected you psychologically, and if you see my pet fish, tell her I miss her. Tip: don't make fish out of paper...Save the trees!