17 Things To Do With Waffles

I hope that there were at least a dozen spontaneous sobs when you all realized that your favorite person in the world, me, didn't post when I was supposed to. And why is that? Well, I feel as if someone has been yelling "ROOM SERVICE" in my ear every 3 seconds for the past couple of  hours. In other words, I have a headache. Yes, you can feel sorry for me all you want, or you can cheer me up by going away. No, just kidding. I would never disappoint someone like that. Instead, I am just going to post three hours later than I usually do, because you know what? A little suspense never killed anyone. Well, except that one guy.

Anyways, waffles. To start off, here is an inspirational song about the history of waffles.

1. Make a castle out of them.

2. Throw them at people.

3. Play heads or tails.

4. Start a game of checkers by conveniently putting syrup in only half the squares.

5. One word: Air hockey.

6. Disguise it as a pancake.

7. Bite eyes and a mouth in one and use it as a mask.

8. Give all your friends a motivational speech about the inequality between waffles and pancakes. I mean really. Why is it that pancakes always get better treatment?!

9. Hand them out to homeless people in the park.

10. Go to the check-out at a store and ask if they accept waffles as a currency.

11. Eat them like a llama. (If you are not sure how to do this, just watch Emperor's New Groove or contact Beatrice, my friend who's hoping to get a Ph.D. in eating like a llama.)

12. Make a hundred waffles, sew them all together, and use them as a blanket. Or pillow. They both work.

13. Make puppets out of them.

14. Create a waffle sculpture in the shape of a turkey and show it off to all your acquaintances.

15. Invent a way to be intimidating while eating them.

16. Use them as a hairnet.

17. Don't share them.

Although, if you want to have cool friends, you had better share your waffles. Putting someone else before yourself never hurt anyone. Well, except that one guy. Anyways, if you're wondering where the picture is from, it's from here.

Baffling Buses

                                             I was not on this bus. This bus is from here.

"When traveling by bus, it is always difficult to decide whether you should sit in a seat by the window, a seat on the aisle, or a seat in the middle. If you take an aisle seat, you have the advantage of being able to stretch your legs whenever you like, but you have the disadvantage of people walking by you, and they can accidentally step on your toes or spill something on your clothing. If you take a window seat, you have the advantage of getting a clear view of the scenery, but you have the disadvantage of watching insects die was they hit the glass. If you take the middle seat, you have neither of these advantages, and you have the added disadvantage of people leaning all over you when they fall asleep. You can see at once why you should always hire a limousine or rent a mule rather than take the bus to your destination." - Lemony Snicket

My experiences on buses are probably some of the most interesting and influential moments of my day. For example, one day when I was riding the bus into the city with a friend we will from now on be calling Beatrice, a blind man did not see that I was there (hahaha... I am so pun-full) and actually sat on my lap before Beatrice told him he was crushing a human being, not a seat.

Another time, when I was riding the bus back from the city with a handful of friends, there was a group of maybe five or so hippies all strumming their way to the beach. One of the hippies, who was covered in fake henna and playing the guitar, was not expecting the bus to turn so sharply, and fell on my lap, guitar and all. Of course, my friends did not come to my aid, but merely laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation.

Those of course are just two examples of my strangely bizarre encounters with buses. Maybe if you get on your knees and promise me some tapioca pudding, I will condescend to telling you my other wonderful stories involving buses. No, actually I have never had tapioca pudding, and don't plan to. But if you'd like, you could give me some money or a bald poodle or something else of interest.
Also, if you, my sometimes fickle reader, have something contrariwise to say about buses or have anything important to say at all, you can report to my secretary, Gertrude, or just post a comment below.