Thursday, May 3, 2012

Shocking Stalkers

Have you ever felt like you were being followed?

I have. It was when I was thirteen and I went out for ice cream with my best friend and her little sister. We were having a perfectly happy, uneventful time eating ice cream. But when we started walking the two miles home, we had the feeling that we were being followed. We turned around, and sure enough, this old Mexican guy who was wearing pink bell-bottoms, a jean jacket, and a cowboy hat. And let me tell you, the combination was pretty intimidation.True story. My friend even snapped a picture, because we knew that someday we would be telling the story and no one would believe us. Well, here's my proof.

It's a little bit blurry because it was taken on a phone, but at least it's proof. Anyways, so this guy followed us for two miles, and he managed to catch up to us at one point and when he did, he reached out and touched my curly blonde hair and said with a wretched smile on his face, "hey, beautiful." Needless to say, we ran for our lives. And we hid in my friend's house. Forever. 

So tell me your shocking stalker stories.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Humiliating Histories

I am very relieved and partially surprised that people (or maybe just trolls) are still reading my blog, even though I gave up on it four months ago. But, in my effort to bewilder and inspire the world, I have come to the conclusion that I will carry on my blog's legacy by telling the world all the fascinating tales that come from the ingenious mind of Emerald Avalanche. And since my blog is back, I have decided to kick off the year with a weekly question.
From here.

This week's question is......Have you ever found it impossible to think of your most embarrassing moment?

For some people, it's hard to think of your most embarrassing moment because you have just had way too many. For people like me,  it is hard because we don't really get embarrassed.

Well, today I came up with my top two most embarrassing moments. Now when someone asks me what my most embarrassing moment is, I won't spend 5 minutes twiddling my thumbs, 3 minutes saying "ummmmm...", and 2 minutes making up some story. So are you curious what my top two are? You better be.

1. While on a plane to Panama, I had the good fortune of sitting next to a nun from Costa Rica. This nun just happened to be wearing a white habit. Anyways, about 30 minutes into the flight, the flight attendant came by and gave me a coke. So I set the coke on the tray in front of me and then turned around to talk to my mom, who happened to be sitting right behind me. And then... we hit some turbulence. And the coke jumped off the tray and landed all over the nun's lower back. I was given the pleasure of telling this nun that she had coke all over her white habit. After I did, she stood up and moved to another seat. And on the back of her habit, it looked like she had just had some major bowel movements. My family laughed at me.

2. When I was 5 years old, I was over at my best friend/neighbor's house and she told me some ridiculously funny joke that made me need to use the bathroom. I was also afraid of her bathroom. So like any normal little kid, I ran out the door and started running up to my house. Some other neighbors of ours had this dog named Coby who loved to chase after anything that was running, especially if it was a child. So this dog is running after me, and I am running for my life, and finally, Coby caught up. And he bit me in the butt. Moral to story: I peed my pants and later had to explain to my mother why I had urine all over me. I was mortified.

So what are your most embarrassing moments?

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

17 Things To Do With French Fries

  1. Eat them like a French poodle.
  2. Tape them under your nose, so that you look French.
  3. Make the Eiffel Tower out of them.
  4. Play 52 Pick Up.
  5. Throw them at mimes and old people.
  6. Have a sword-fight.
  7. Dip them in wine.
  8. Put an abnormally large amount of French Fries in your mouth and attempt to say "Bon Jour!"
  9. Use them as band-aids and put them on boo boos. 
  10. Paint a picture of the Louvre using a french fry as a paintbrush.
  11. Use them for acupuncture.
  12. See how long you can have a French Fry in your nose before you get tempted to eat it.
  13. Hand them out to French artists in the park.
  14. Use them as darts and throw them at a target.
  15. Make a French robot.
  16. Disguise them as French bread.
  17. Wear them on your head like a beret.
If you have any other brilliant ideas of ludicrous things to do with French Fries, or would just like someone to talk to, feel free to comment below. If you're wondering where the picture is from, I got it from another blog.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Jocular Inventions Part 1

I have never seen such cool gloves in my life.

This here is a nifty device to keep food out of your hair. Spilling food on your hair just makes you look silly.

Slides--the ultimate form of transportation. Even for businessmen.

Blow your nose on the go!

I have always wanted to put chapstick on my toast.

My two favorite things: toilet paper and iPods.

Now you can carry your fish with you wherever you go!

Do you get tired of constantly explaining how you broke your arm? Then this is for you.

Comfort really is everything.

You definitely do not want your bananas to have to sit out in the fresh air.

Reading in bed was never easier!

If you liked these inventions, please leave a comment below. I found all the pictures on Google.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Definitely Cliche Disney Movies

I wonder if anyone has ever made a movie about an old man who carried balloons around and had a talking dog. Oh, yes. They have.

Now, speaking completely of original movies with cliche characteristics, Disney movies are all the same. No one wants to admit it, but it's true. So what are the characteristics of a cliche Disney movie?
  • Most of them are remakes of old fairytales.
  • The girls are always pretty.
  • They all have some sort of animal who is the main character's best friend. If you don't believe me, just look.
Pinnochio has a fish.
Cinderella has mice and birds.
The Black Cauldron has a pig.
Aladdin has a monkey.
Pocahontas has a hummingbird and a raccoon.
Mulan has a dragon and a cricket.
The Emperor's New Groove has a squirrel.
Tangled has a frog.
Oh, and the rest are ABOUT animals.
  • The girls usually love family and reading.
  • They tend to be a bit controversial. Don't believe me?
...The crows in Dumbo were uneducated, poor, lazy, and loved jazz music. They were also voiced by African-Americans.
...Peter Pan was racist against the Native Americans, and included a song called "What Makes the Red Man Red?"
...The Siamese cats in Lady and the Tramp had poor grammar and mixed their R's and L's.
...The apes in The Jungle Book. Well, they can be racist against a lot of people.
...A song in Aladdin includes the lyrics "Where they cut off your ear if they don't like your face. it's barbaric, but hey. It's home." This is racist against pretty much the entire Middle Eastern culture.
  • They tend to have some goofy character.
  • They all have a villain.
  • Most of the characters do not have both parents.
  • There is always singing.
I hope you see my point. Disney is getting quite a bit cliche. If you disagree or would just like someone to talk to, you can comment below. The picture is from here.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Gaudy Grannies

Why is it that according to world-renowned intellectual, Julian Smith, grandmas are better than grandpas? Is it because they're the ones who make delicious cookies? Or could it be that they absolutely dominate at checkers? Maybe it's because they are expert doily makers. There is a small possibility that it's because they make tapioca pudding that is to die for. (I would literally die before eating tapioca pudding that my granny made.)

Anyways, be what it may, I think that there is no evidence to support Julian's opinion and that he should be put in prison for showing favoritism when it comes to the dying race of grandparents, which concludes my very short and concise complaint against Julian Smith. Now, it is your turn to join the movement for equality of the grandparents. If you would be so kind as to watch the videos below, comment, and vote on the poll, grandparents all over the world will heave a sigh of pure happiness and relief just knowing that there are people out there that support the newly founded movement.

 Random fact: In the United States, there are over 80 million grandparents.
Another random fact: the picture came from here.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Useless Knoweledge Part 2: LOST

  • John Locke was named after a 17th century philosopher who described individuals as "tabula rasa" or "blank sheet."
  • The average pilot of a tv show costs $4 million, but LOST's premiere episode cost somewhere between $10 million and $14 million.
  • In France, the show is called "Lost: Les Desparus" which has two connotations--the missing people or the dead people.
  • Parts of the plane were used as percussion instruments in the soundtrack.
  • The pilot attracted 18.65 viewers.
  • The actors who play Charlie, Jack, and Hurley all auditioned for the part of Sawyer.
  • Kate was originally supposed to be an elderly woman who was separated from her husband, but they ended up using that idea for Rose.
  • Charlie's band was originally going to be called "The Petting Zoo."
  • The symbol on Boone's shirt is Chinese for the number 84, which, when switched around is 48, the number of survivors on the island.
  • The number 42 is taken from Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy, where it is the answer to life, the universe, and everything.
  • Evangeline Lily almost didn't get to be in LOST, because the creators thought that her Canadian citizenship might be an issue.
  • In the original script for LOST, Jack was supposed to be killed by the monster when they arrived at the cockpit.
  • Ethan Rom is an anagram for "other man."
  • Ranked #5 on Empire magazine's 50 Greatest TV Shows Of All Time
  • Anthony Cooper, Locke's dad, was named after an 18th century philosopher who studied under John Locke.
  • It won 55 awards, including a Golden Globe, and was nominated for 256 other awards.
  • Danielle Rousseau was named after Jean Jacques Rousseau an 18th century Enlightenment philosopher who believed that civilization corrupts people.
  • Season 1 has some similarities to William Golding's novel Lord of the Flies.
  • The name Richard Alpert is a reference to the real life ex-Harvard psychologist Dr. Richard Alpert (aka Ram Dass).
  • Of the six mysterious numbers, 23 is used the most. Kate gets turned in for $23,000; 23 people die when Hurley stepped on a platform/dock and it collapsed; flight 815's gate number is 23; Jack's seat number is 23; and the room number where the Dharma group do experiments is #23. 
  • Charlotte's full name is Charlotte Staples Lewis, which is after C.S. Lewis, and shows the unpredictable nature of time on the island.
  • Jeremy Bentham, Locke's pseudonym, also alludes to an English philosopher.
  • Rose and Bernard are the only survivors who don't die or leave the island.
  • The amount of money Hurley says he won in the jackpot changes, at least twice.
Please feel free to share your newly accumulated useless knowledge with every neighbor, coworker, and great aunt that you know.
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