Gaudy Grannies

Why is it that according to world-renowned intellectual, Julian Smith, grandmas are better than grandpas? Is it because they're the ones who make delicious cookies? Or could it be that they absolutely dominate at checkers? Maybe it's because they are expert doily makers. There is a small possibility that it's because they make tapioca pudding that is to die for. (I would literally die before eating tapioca pudding that my granny made.)

Anyways, be what it may, I think that there is no evidence to support Julian's opinion and that he should be put in prison for showing favoritism when it comes to the dying race of grandparents, which concludes my very short and concise complaint against Julian Smith. Now, it is your turn to join the movement for equality of the grandparents. If you would be so kind as to watch the videos below, comment, and vote on the poll, grandparents all over the world will heave a sigh of pure happiness and relief just knowing that there are people out there that support the newly founded movement.

 Random fact: In the United States, there are over 80 million grandparents.
Another random fact: the picture came from here.

17 Things To Do With Waffles

I hope that there were at least a dozen spontaneous sobs when you all realized that your favorite person in the world, me, didn't post when I was supposed to. And why is that? Well, I feel as if someone has been yelling "ROOM SERVICE" in my ear every 3 seconds for the past couple of  hours. In other words, I have a headache. Yes, you can feel sorry for me all you want, or you can cheer me up by going away. No, just kidding. I would never disappoint someone like that. Instead, I am just going to post three hours later than I usually do, because you know what? A little suspense never killed anyone. Well, except that one guy.

Anyways, waffles. To start off, here is an inspirational song about the history of waffles.

1. Make a castle out of them.

2. Throw them at people.

3. Play heads or tails.

4. Start a game of checkers by conveniently putting syrup in only half the squares.

5. One word: Air hockey.

6. Disguise it as a pancake.

7. Bite eyes and a mouth in one and use it as a mask.

8. Give all your friends a motivational speech about the inequality between waffles and pancakes. I mean really. Why is it that pancakes always get better treatment?!

9. Hand them out to homeless people in the park.

10. Go to the check-out at a store and ask if they accept waffles as a currency.

11. Eat them like a llama. (If you are not sure how to do this, just watch Emperor's New Groove or contact Beatrice, my friend who's hoping to get a Ph.D. in eating like a llama.)

12. Make a hundred waffles, sew them all together, and use them as a blanket. Or pillow. They both work.

13. Make puppets out of them.

14. Create a waffle sculpture in the shape of a turkey and show it off to all your acquaintances.

15. Invent a way to be intimidating while eating them.

16. Use them as a hairnet.

17. Don't share them.

Although, if you want to have cool friends, you had better share your waffles. Putting someone else before yourself never hurt anyone. Well, except that one guy. Anyways, if you're wondering where the picture is from, it's from here.